I knew this subject would come up eventually. You want to know what my buttons are. That’s easy enough to tell you. However the more challenging part will be explaining why pushing said buttons doesn’t always produce the desired effect.
So let’s get the simple part out of the way first: in order to climax I need pretty intense clitoral stimulation. I can achieve this either with or without vibrators, which I’m happy about (I’d hate to get desensitized). I also get very close with hard and fast g-spot action, but I always need a little clit love to actually get off. That’s it really. I don’t have any particular fantasies or anything super questionable or kinky that I have to think about. I just need the physical stimulation…and to be in the right mindset…
…which brings me to the complicated part. Most of the time, I just don’t get there (when I’m with a partner). Some people think this is absurd, but to me, climaxing has simply never been a goal. I guess I was never told that all parties are “supposed to” orgasm during sex. I just enjoy the experience, and when it’s over, it’s over. There is never a sense of not getting a release, and I’m never left dissatisfied because I didn’t cum. I guess I just don’t understand the point? Assuming it’s good sex, I am having plenty of fun and I am enjoying myself. Who says I need to have an orgasm? The lack of my climax has no reflection on my partner’s skills or my amount of pleasure during our time together.
Another aspect of it is that I have to concentrate, with an incredible amount of focus, for an orgasm to actually happen. Maybe I’ve been doing sex wrong this whole time, but I’ve never been given an orgasm. When it does happen, it’s always because I choose to make it happen. You can be doing all the right motions but I won’t get over the edge without my own mental encouragement. And normally, I choose not to go there because the concentration needed is so strong that it actually pulls me out of the mood. Seriously. My train of thought goes from “this feels really good” to “well I guess I gotta make this happen now”. I don’t enjoy having to do this, so like I’ve said, I never seek to.
So, please don’t feel offended or unworthy because you haven’t been present when this apparently magical experience happens. If it’s really important to you, then I will try my best to make it occur.