Menu Home

Memories

Note: My usual sarcasm and wit will return after this post.
TL;DR: Sad shit.

“Say Something” – A Great Big World 

Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’ll be the one if you want me to
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I… I’m feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all
And I… will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl
Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I… will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye
Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
And anywhere I would’ve followed you (Oh-Ooh)
Say something, I’m giving up on you
Say something, I’m giving up on you
Say something…
——–
I wish I could forget how excited I was to get your messages when we were still talking online.
I wish I could forget how embarrassed I was when I accidentally spit sushi on you on our first date.
I wish I could forget the feeling of your hand on my back when you tried to get me to slow down because I walk too fast.
I wish I could forget how I had just a little too much wine that night.
I wish I could forget our first kiss, how I asked you to come sit in my car because I didn’t want random people in the parking garage to see us.
I wish I could forget how the first time I went to your place I made you watch Doctor Who and you actually went along with it.
I wish I could forget how I opted to not click ‘continue playing’ because I wanted to kiss you more than I wanted to watch my favorite show.
I wish I could forget how you seemed to lose interest a few days after that, and how disappointed I was because I thought things were going well.
I wish I could forget how I tried to move on but compared everyone else to you, and no one was quite what I wanted.
I wish I could forget that random text in the middle of the workday.  It was you, mentioning something about Doctor Who because you knew that would get my attention.
I wish I could forget how I agreed to try things again.
I wish I could forget how much you checked up on me while I was away on vacation in San Francisco.
I wish I could forget how much energy I put into finding a present for you.
I wish I could forget how I much I wanted to see you as soon as I got home.
I wish I could forget how I intended to just stop by briefly that night.  It was late and you were tired, but that was the night you decided to pull me into your bedroom…
I wish I could forget how you asked, “why did we wait so long to do this?”
I wish I could forget how wonderful I felt to have you inside me.
I wish I could forget how you introduced me to Red vs Blue and Archer.
I wish I could forget that my favorite rum is the brand you recommended.
I wish I could forget how we have that same album of Bach cello suites played by Yo-Yo Ma.
I wish I could forget how you left me again, for no apparent reason.
I wish I could forget how I tried to move on again, because I obviously wasn’t enough to you.
I wish I could forget how I had desperate, awful sex with some guy on Christmas Eve and how the whole time I was wishing I was with you instead.
I wish I could forget how you texted me ‘Merry Christmas’ the next morning, as if on cue.
I wish I could forget how you asked to see me again.
I wish I could forget that I agreed.
I wish I could forget how I believed you when you talked about moving in together.
I wish I could forget the feeling of having the wind knocked out of me when you told me you were joking.
I wish I could forget that night I came to stay with you because I had to drive you to your knee surgery early the next morning.
I wish I could forget how you wanted cupcakes after you got out and were super high on pain killers.
I wish I could forget “You have a sword? Can I see your other one?”
I wish I could forget that time your oven timer went off right when we got to the bedroom, and how sexy you were running back to me after going to shut it off.
I wish I could forget how you would intentionally pronounce “dalek” wrong just to annoy me.
I wish I could forget how you moved in to my apartment complex.
I wish I could forget how I thought it was because you wanted to be close to me.
I wish I could forget Seattle.
I wish I could forget the whole Reddit ordeal and the fallout of it.
I wish I could forget how much effort and energy I put in to trying to fix things, especially because I never intended to break anything. 
I wish I could forget how you thought I wanted someone other than you.
I wish I could forget how lonely I was even though I was next to you.
I wish I could forget how empty and scared I felt.
I wish I could forget how the whole world was a blur and I was just numb.
I wish I could forget how I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t happening.
I wish I could forget you saying “I’m not attracted to you anymore”.
I wish I could forget how you possibly could think I would be just be ok with that.
I wish I could forget sitting in the airport by myself, just wanting to get away from you.
I wish I could forget how I drove all the way back to Seattle at 4am the next morning because I still wanted to attend the event I paid for.
I wish I could forget how I completely missed the best day of said event.
I wish I could forget how awful I felt in my own home because you were so physically close to me.
I wish I could forget how I felt like I lost my source of protection.
I wish I could forget how much I wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t know how.
I wish I could forget how I wanted to fix things again and how slowly and methodically I went about it because I was so scared.
I wish I could forget how I was seeing progress between us and then…I heard her.
I wish I could forget hearing her moaning as you fucked her.
I wish I could forget how my jealously turned me into something so unbelievably monstrous.
I wish I could forget the terrible decisions I made amidst my rage.
I wish I could forget how often she was here.
I wish I could forget how, in such a short time, she became what I wanted to be the whole time I knew you.
I wish I could forget that so much of this was caused by miscommunication.
I wish I could forget how said you missed me.
I wish I could forget how I thought you were sincere.
I wish I could forget how you said I was beautiful.
I wish I could forget how you blew up at me for doing something I was excited about, just because you didn’t agree with it.
I wish I could forget how you said you were jealous of another man seeing me, but you never made any moves to claim me as your own.
I wish I could forget how much I wanted your support.
I wish I could forget how I actually considered giving up my opportunity because I had to choose between it and you.
I wish I could forget how I tried to deal with how you obviously never saw me the way I saw you.
I wish I could forget how I gave up what I wanted for us, and tried to instill a new plan for how we would interact.
I wish I could forget that moment I heard you telling her that you were never happy with me.
I wish I could forget how weak I felt when I had to admit that I just couldn’t handle it after all.
I wish I could forget how much of myself I gave to you.
I wish I could forget how my only choice was to walk away.
I wish I could forget that last time your eyes met mine.
I wish I could forget how I still think about you every day.
I wish I could forget loving you.
I wish I could forget the tears.
I wish I could forget you.

Categories: Relationships

Miss Skaro

3 replies

  1. I want to hit “like” because I sort of know how you feel but at the same time it feels wrong to like a post like this. I have never felt it that hard but I have felt my heart breaking and know how someone can haunt your dreams. There are a lot of “what if I did this instead” moments. How can you every find someone as good as them in your eyes again. You will find someone that treats you the way you should be treated and not lead you on to get some action. I can understand even more now why you keep to yourself.

    Like

  2. Ònly when someone breaks you, do you discover how much stronger and deeper your love is than what they can ever feel. Even when the pain was unbearable, I couldn’t have given up the time we had when we were in that dizzy whirlpool of being completely in love. Holding each other, and swirling together into a single consciousness without reservation or doubt, with an unguarded heart. I wouldn’t give it up to stop the pain, because I don’t think I can ever let another person have complete power over me again. I want to believe I was such a overshadowing crescendo in her life as well, but it would not be true. She had lost the capacity to give herself completely over to love, long before we met. I’ts been almost three years since I have seen or heard from her. I know I will love her forever, if only I had found her before she was broken by someone, I believe we would be together and happy in life until we died. Ti amo Marie, sempre bellissima. Ti sei solo luce per mei occhio. Che ti possa conoscere un giorno la verità.

    Would you give up your time together to take away the pain? Maybe I’m the only crazy one after all.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: