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Oh Dear God

I just read the creepiest message I’ve gotten to date.  This was jaw-dropping, shudder-worthy (but as always, laughable) material.

Among a rather interesting introduction from a man attempting to woo my submissive side with his proud domly ways were the words

I want to impregnate 

Um. WHAT?  Excuse me but I am not an incubation chamber.  Also, let me offer some general advice on talking to people you don’t know.  If your intention is to discuss a particular kink, and you wish to elicit a positive response from the other person, said kink MUST be introduced with discretion and grace.  When talking to a complete stranger, you have no idea what kind of reaction will occur on the other side of that message.  In this particular scenario, your proposition triggered dread and anxiety, followed by laughter, followed by a general concern for humanity.  I, for one, am capable of brushing these things off quickly and moving on with my life (after writing about it, obviously).  My immediate reaction of dread occurred because the ideas of being pregnant and having children absolutely terrify me.  However I understand that impregnation is a kink, and that people seem to enjoy having kids (for some reason unbeknownst to me).

But now let’s talk about the potential for your message to trigger a much stronger emotional reaction.  Did you consider the scenario where I’m infertile and extremely distressed by my inability to have children?  What about the one where I accidentally got pregnant and had to endure all the stressors that accompany an abortion?  Or how about the one where my first born was sacrificed to the gods and before the knife plunged into my son’s heart I promised him that I would never bear another child.  Did you think of that? Huh?  I didn’t think so.

My point is, your lack of foresight concerns me.  I appreciate the frankness but your negotiation skills are lacking.  Wishing to impregnate someone is way more risky than wanting to tie them up, or put them in a cage, or fire whip them.  Besides the drastic, long-term physical and mental adjustments the woman will go through, you are injecting another life into the situation.  A safe word cannot make a child disappear when you’re done with your fantasy play.  Bottom line is that this subject matter is much too serious to be in your first message to a stranger.

Oh but wait…there’s more.  That wasn’t the complete sentence now was it?

I want to impregnate and have a litter of kittens.

Ok, now what the actual fuck is going on in your head?  I have a few different hypotheses for what this actually means.  1) The two halves of the sentence are unrelated.  You just want more cats.  Nothing too distressing about that, other than that I’m allergic to cats and you have issues creating sensible sentences.  2) This is just some cute naming convention you have for your future spawn.  I suppose that’s alright, but, how old are you? In your 40s? 3) You want to fuck your cat and expect it to have kittens that look like you.  I wouldn’t even know how to respond to that.  4) You expect pet play from your own future children.  I seriously hope you’re at least waiting until they turn 18.  5) A hybrid of #1 and #4, you are eager to dress up your future kids in cat costumes but have failed to realize that the term ‘kitten’, when used on FetLife, has a much different definition.  This would further support your need for Foresight 101.

To summarize, I do hope you take more time to think about your word choice.  That’s all it comes down to, really.  Before I go, let me address you with what you wish to be called, out of genuine respect.  Lord Dick–oh wait, sorry, Daddy Dick–I hope you find what you are looking for.  Thank you for the feast of thought you have inspired in me tonight.


Categories: BDSM Online

Miss Skaro

1 reply

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