For the past few months I’ve been pondering why I’m drawn to couples. It started as little more than an idea that might be fun to try once or twice. But then I actually started meeting them. And I started liking it. And now I can say that I’m much more likely to respond to a proposition from a couple than from a single individual.
I have three main motivations, the first of which is to enhance the lives of the couple. I know what I am, being a unicorn, all rare and shiny. Couples who are looking for a third are looking for me. I am obligated to be the best unicorn I can be, especially when couples are experimenting with a third for the first time. I want them to have a good time, and to know that engaging in such activity is reasonable and supported. I’m not going to go around blabbing to the whole town about the secret sex lives of the couple down the street. And I’m certainly not going to come between the two of them. Of course there is much to say about the chemistry between all three people involved, but if it all works out, my intention is always to produce a long-lasting friendship. One that isn’t tangled in drama. One that probably doesn’t even involve frequent chats. But one where we are all honest, comfortable with each other, and down to have some fun when our free time aligns.
My second motivation is my need to be around loving couples. A little backstory: when I was growing up, my parents never really expressed what it meant to be a couple. They are still married, however at some point in my teen years they stopped being affectionate towards each other. Honestly I don’t remember seeing them be affectionate ever. To this day they sleep in separate rooms. They barely touch. They don’t hug or kiss. I remember overhearing hours of arguments several years ago. Today I look back on it and think, sure couples are going to fight, but those moments were the only times I saw any strong emotion between them. As they cooled down, an eerie feeling fell over the household. A distinct lack of love between them. They both love me, I am very secure and have no issues about that. But whenever I think about their relationship, I just get very sad. That’s not how marriage is supposed to be. In my mind my parents are not married, they just happen to live in the same house and have the same last name. From my perspective there’s not much else holding them together. But now that I’m out in the real world, I am surrounded by examples of what I think a couple should be. I see it among my friends and my coworkers. Sure, none of the couples are perfect–I don’t expect them to be–but at least I can see a connection between them. I love it. I love that energy. I feed off of it. All because I never got it growing up.
The third motivation lies in my insecurities about being in a couple myself. I suppose I just haven’t found the right person yet. But so far in my life no one has expressed that I am their #1. That I make their world go ’round. That they fall asleep, dream, and wake up thinking of me. I’ve thought about people like that, but I don’t know if anyone has thought about me the same way. I want that, and I’m not settling for less. So when I get messages from couples, I know I don’t have to worry about it. They have each other. If things don’t work out between the three of us, there isn’t much to lose, comparatively. On the other hand, when I get propositioned by single individuals, there’s so much more that runs through my mind. What if I actually like this person? Should I? Should I make it more than a casual thing? Does this mean I have to be monogamous now? So much. And honestly I don’t want to bother with it most of the time. It’s stressful and I get sort of depressed and scared thinking about it. So like any mature person, I avoid the issue.
And that’s why I do couples.