Fair warning to anyone who attempts a relationship with me: I am going to use you.
Let’s say you are my newest acquaintance. We’ve been chatting some, and maybe we have plans to meet in the near future. You wanna know what I’m doing during that time? A nice person would say “I’m getting to know you.” I, on the other hand, tend to qualify that statement a bit: I’m getting to know if you will be useful to me.
Is there something I can gain from a relationship with you? This question is my driving reason for meeting new people. If I agree to meet you, I think you might have something to give me. I am willing to see if that is true. At the very least I am assuming you’re able to entertain me for a few hours. If I can get food, drinks, and maybe sex–or at least a good story–out of a night with you, then I’ll count that as a profit.
If you can’t tell by now, I have very odd social cravings. I never aim to add people to my inner circle. I am much too picky to go out looking for that…if I did I would never meet anyone. Instead I want to grow a network of situational companions. Ideally these are the kind of people I would meet up with on a rotating basis every couple months, as that would satisfy my need for social interaction.
Here are some examples of what I might be looking for while you’re under consideration:
- Are you a contact in another city that I would want to visit again?
- Can you provide me access to things I want to explore further? (photography, modeling, kink, music, technology, etc.)
- Do I agree with your tastes in restaurants?
- Can I talk to you about something I care about without feeling like I am going over your head or boring you?
- Are you incredibly attractive AND not a douche?
One of my goals is to make sure I gain something from any relationships I have. I honestly don’t see the point of keeping people around just for the sake of keeping them around. It’s a waste of your time and mine.
If I see you once and then you never hear from me again, then that means I see no use in you. I’m sure you are a wonderful person–ghosting you is not meant to be offensive. It simply means that I see no place for you in my life.
Now before you go thinking I’m all manipulative and bitchy (which is a fair analysis), I’m not all take and no give in my relationships. I also consider what use I can be to you. You’re probably not as picky as I am, but I always imagine that you’re holding me to the same constraints. Again, it’s all about avoiding wasted time and energy. I will gladly pull out of a budding relationship if I don’t feel like I will be good for you.
So give me something I like and I will use the hell out of you. And if you’re lucky you can use me too.