I just finished reading “Love Letters to a Unicorn” by Rebecca Blanton. I’ve been wanting to read it for a while. Luckily I found myself on some flights recently with the need for a good book.
What really impressed me was the way she described the rarity of a unicorn. There’s a passage that says the odds of finding a unicorn has been calculated at 1:2,000,000, although the author herself thinks the odds are even more rare. But of course they’re rare. Rarity is part of the definition of being a unicorn.
While extracting myself from traditional-monogamy-land, I was told that a unicorn is “a sexually open female (usually), generally one willing to engage in casual and/or group activity.” Knowing what I knew of the world then, that seemed like a pretty rare thing indeed. I thought, hey that sounds like me, guess that means I’m a unicorn! But now that I’ve grown into the lifestyle a bit more, that definition no longer strikes me as particularly special. It still describes me, sure, but it doesn’t make me feel magical anymore. There are actual plenty of us out there, I just didn’t realize it at first.
This book gave me a much different view on unicorns. Blanton writes, “Unicorns are people that are so rare in their set of qualities they stick out of society like the proverbial white horse-like thing does in a forest…People feel special just to know them.” I don’t know about you, but this sounds like a far more mystical description. She goes on to describe what it was like meeting her unicorn: “I stumbled upon him deep in my forest and took time to realize what I was actually encountering. When I realized what was standing in front of me, my world became magical.”
Her portrayal is coming from her knowing the unicorn, not necessarily being one herself. Unicorns earn their rarity because the people who love them see how special they are. Her partner didn’t get into the relationship thinking, I’m special so you’ll fall for me. It’s not like he thought he was some sort of mythical creature. She gave him that title when she realized how amazing he was for her. It’s all about a change in perspective.
My favorite part of the book is this statement: “You cannot be responsible for the unicorn’s happiness. You can, however, exist to set them free.” Unicorns flourish when they can truly be who they want to be. To me, that is what makes them so rare. Being completely who you want to be is incredibly difficult. I mean, even if you want to, life always through roadblocks in your way. That’s just how it works. The ability to work past those obstacles takes a tremendous amount of strength, and sometimes you can’t do it alone. This is why unicorns come into their true selves through those that love them: they’re actually given the support they need to be their best.
So, do I still think of myself as a unicorn? I guess. A little. I mean, who wouldn’t want to think of themselves as a magical horse? But as I said, my perspective has shifted. I don’t think it’s appropriate to present myself as a unicorn anymore. For one thing, it’s pretty pretentious. But the bigger point is that presenting myself as a unicorn won’t automatically produce the enchanting effect that everyone expects. Being a unicorn doesn’t really mean anything. The magic comes when I can be someone’s unicorn. That’s when I can truly be my ultimate, sparkly self.