I received two questions from two different people on two different sites at roughly the same time:
“Why aren’t you married?” and “Why are you single?”
The first one perplexed me. Like, raised eyebrow, head cocked to the side, perplexed. Here I am on a hookup site, browsing through all the vulgar and poorly written messages I get, and someone is asking me why I’m not married. Shit, was I supposed to do that? I must have forgotten that I should have found a life partner by now. I mean, I’m 25. I’ve had, what, a decade or so of being date-able. That is clearly long enough to find someone I want to spend my whole life with. We can disregard the fact that I’ve been figuring out what the hell it is I want in life and that my tastes have changed drastically during that time.
And when I tell you that I have no interest in marriage, how do you respond? By saying that you’d marry me! You’re hypothetically proposing after I directly state that I want nothing to do with it. Gosh, if it were as easy as just picking a random person off the internet, maybe I’ve been going about this all wrong. I always thought that if I were to choose a life partner, it would be a thought-out, rational decision made between the two of us over a decent length of time. You know, at least long enough for you to see a picture with my face in it.
The second question is basically the same thing. They’re almost insulting. I’m apparently doing something wrong since I’m not constantly seeking a long-term, committed relationship. But of course they aren’t meant to be insults, they’re meant to be weird, backwards compliments with an attempt at flattery. The subtext is screaming with, “You’re obviously amazing and no one else can see it but I can so pick me!” What’s the appropriate way to respond to that? Thank you? I guess?
I’m failing to understand why being single is seen as something that should be remedied. Please, someone tell me why I need a man because I obviously missed that lesson.
(And for what it’s worth, I’m pretty confident that I’m not married, but am I single? No idea. I think I’ll go with “it’s complicated.”)