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My disinterest is not your cue to insult or guilt trip me

I’m really tired of seeing this behavior.  I’ve seen it countless times in both my personal and professional lives.  Goes like this:

A: “Would you like to engage in some activity with me?”
B: “No thank you.”
A: “You didn’t seem good enough for this anyway.”


A: “Would you like to engage in some activity with me?”
B: “No thank you.”
A: “That’s too bad, it would’ve been so good!”

Just accept “no” as an answer and move on.  If anything, an appropriate response would be, “Ok, thank you for your time.”

Here are some real life examples:

Just this morning I got a message from one of you lovely Fet members.  (If you happen to see this, btw, this is why I blocked you!)  He asked if I was interested in a modeling shoot.  After asking for details and not finding them to my liking, I replied with “I’m not interested.”  His response, paraphrased: “It’s ok, we found someone more famous than you.  You don’t seem like the type who’d want the huge exposure that this shoot would obviously give you.”

Really?  Why did you ask me in the first place then?  Why bother asking an unknown at all if you’re going to go with a famous model anyway?  And how on earth did “I’m not interested” give you any idea of the kind of exposure I’m interested in?  I shouldn’t need to explain why I declined, but if you actually replied in a polite way this would have ended much more cordially.  If I knew someone who would be a better fit, I might have passed the word along.  But no, I’m going to spare my hypothetical model friends from having to deal with your dickishness.

Another instance happened at work, when I ran a phone interview with potential new hire.  My team discussed, and after concluding that this guy wasn’t what we were looking for, I sent him a nice “thanks, but no thanks” email.  He replied saying that our company wasn’t what he expected and that he wasn’t interested in the position anyway.

Same thing!  Why did you even bother with applying then?  And again it’s the same theoretical follow-up: if some recruiter asked my opinion of you, I would not give my recommendation, because you did not act like a professional.

And finally, the guilt-tripping situation.  I get this a lot.  Lots of people ask to play with me, I decline most of them, and I get replies like “That sucks,” or “You’re missing out.”

What kind of effect are you expecting that to have?  Are you expecting me to change my mind?  And even if I do change my mind, it’ll be because I pity you, and you don’t actually want that, do you?

My theory is that these people get so butt-hurt by being turned down that they have to place blame on the other party.  Instead of just owning up to being declined, they have to make this childish retort so they can get the last word in.  They have to win something.  But in truth, it just makes them look like sore losers.

So, lesson of the day:  Accept that you are not the center of the universe and not everyone is going to be attracted to you.  You will look way more attractive overall if you treat everyone with respect and if you remember your manners.

Categories: Dating Misc Online Relationships Sex

Miss Skaro

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