I’m currently going through a bunch of old messages, in an effort to
torture myself collect data. There’s been a few that have stuck around in my mind, and believe me it’s been rather cathartic to finally delete them. This one though, I had completely forgotten about until just now. I’m pretty sure I’m having the same reaction as I did back then…incredible frustration. So I thought, hey I’m in a mood for deciphering stuff tonight. Let’s analyze!
Him: what got you interested in being collared
I have nothing on my profile that talks about being collared. I am not currently collared. Sir and I haven’t even talked about it. But since it is an interest, I answered him…
Me: Uh, because I’d want to have something symbolizing my relationship.
The “uh” is purposeful. It’s supposed to signal that I found his question rather odd, and that I’m unsure of his intentions. But only some people pick up on things like that, apparently.
Him: Ok there are many reasons I am intrigued to hear yours
What’s this for? Some kind of study? I can already tell he has no actual interest in my personal reason. He could’ve gotten much better results with a poll-type question instead of this open-ended thing he’s doing. It’s like he’s skipping down to the Additional Comments section and I haven’t clicked a single radio button or rated anything on a scale of 1 to 5 yet. Somebody needs to learn how surveys work.
Me: I’m sorry? I gave you my reason.
I didn’t lie. That is the reason.
Him: There’s more to it but ok
Of course there’s more to it. But do you actually expect to get the deep, sincere, heartfelt explanation just by randomly asking me? You could have at least started out by asking about our relationship, how we met, etc. That’s somewhat reasonable. But no, jump straight to collaring. Because that’s obviously a given in all D/s relationships.
Me: What are you expecting? I might just be misunderstanding you.
Sincere question here. Some people are
not good horrendously shit at articulating their thoughts.
Him: There’s more to your story then your sharing
(Than*, you’re*) Ask me about the story then! The story is a STORY. I’m not responding to a sentence (a poorly written one at that) with a whole story.
Me: What more do you want to know? You’re being really vague.
I’m really trying here…
Him: Ok never mind good talking with you but I’m not looking to guide the conversation completely
For fuck’s sake. I’m guiding the goddamn conversation. Guide (verb):
Me: You asked me a question. I answered, but (apparently) my answer wasn’t enough. I do not know what else you’re looking for in my response. I am asking you to clarify and expand on your question so you can get the answer you’re looking for. That’s me guiding the conversation.
I love it when I have to recap for people. Like they can’t remember or comprehend what’s gone on in our conversation.
Him: Wearing a color usually entails certain things that have happened in ones life a reason behind that decision I want to hear yours, what drives you to want to be collared
(Color? I pick purple!) That’s not helping. You’re not saying anything additional. Of course there are things that have happened in my life that have lead to this. But I’m not going to lay it all out there for you unless you give me a good reason. And it’s a much better conversation if you chip away at it anyway, asking questions along the way as I tell you bit by bit. That’s a much better way of getting to know someone. If you have, however, managed to get a stranger to spill their whole life story with such a meager prompt…kudos.
Me: I’m in a happy relationship and I want to symbolize it. I like the idea of having something on my body that always reminds me of him. And I want others to see that I’m taken. There isn’t much more to it than that.
Of course there’s more to it than that. But the depth of my answer is equal to the depth of his question.
What!? That’s it? I thought you wanted to know! This is supposed to prompt more follow up questions! Did you get the answer you were looking for? And more to the point, did you even understand everything that happened in this conversation? Because what I’ve told you here has very little to do with why I’m interested in being collared but an awful lot to do with how to effectively communicate. Did that get through to you at all?!?
I’m assuming no. And I can’t reach him now anyway because he blocked me.
I hope his study goes well.