You know that feeling when you’re really intrigued by something, but you don’t want anything to do with it personally?  When you’re fascinated that such a thing exists, and that other people enjoy it so much, but you don’t feel particularly drawn to experience it yourself?

That’s how I am with pain.

I’m quite captivated by S&M.  I’ll admit I’m drawn to those pictures with all the marks and welts and bruises.  I find it uniquely beautiful in a way I can’t grasp completely.  I love reading the works of both sadists and masochists as they describe the kind of carnal pleasure they get from inflicting or receiving pain.  I love getting that glimpse into their world.  And I adore it when they describe the connection they share with their partners.

But I don’t find myself wanting to partake.  I’m definitely not driven by any sort of masochistic urge.  I like to think I take pain pretty well, I’m definitely not afraid of it (at least not any more than you should be), and I understand how it can produce feelings of euphoria.  But I’ve yet to find myself desiring it at all.

What I do enjoy about pain is in terms of my fascination with the human body and how it heals itself.  I like watching how little cuts and bruises evolve and disappear.  I enjoy the process of feeling sore from something and eventually working through it.  And I love scars because they serve as little reminders of what I’ve been through.  In fact this is why I’m into tattoos.  I don’t like getting tattooed, but I like my ink because it’s proof that I’ve gotten through moments (or hours) of pain.

Yet, in terms of kink, I don’t describe myself as a masochist.  I think it’s because my instinct is to equate masochism with really heavy and intense masochism.  I like playing with heightened sensations, and I like it when things hurt a little, but you probably won’t see pictures of me all black and blue and bleeding.  That plus the fact that I don’t crave pain makes me feel like I’m not qualified to call myself a masochist.  And I’m perfectly fine with that.  (I do think you should be able to call yourself a masochist even if you’re not into the heavy stuff, but I digress.)

I’m intrigued by S&M because it exists and there are people who honestly revel in it.  I don’t have to be into it myself to understand the attraction.  I might not comprehend it as deeply as you do, but I get it.  You’ve found something that makes you happy, and that’s all that really matters.

Categories: BDSM

Miss Skaro