…with another person, anyway.
Now before you go asking me what’s wrong, I’m fine. Really. Life is going quite well.
I’ve just realized that it’s been some time since I’ve had someone inside me.
And the other day I was thinking about why.
For one, I elected to not play around over the winter. My main reason was that I couldn’t be bothered to go out on dates. I mean, snow is annoying. And I hate being cold. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t feel flirty or sexy when I’m freezing. So why bother? I’ve got plenty of ways to entertain myself without someone else involved.
(This made me wonder if my sexuality is affected by the seasons. I mean, I haven’t been doing the whole casual sex thing for very long, so I don’t have a lot of data to draw from. But my hypothesis is that once it’s warm again I’ll be back to my adventures. We’ll see. I’ll be sure to report my findings.)
I also recalled that before winter really set in, I had been talking to a few guys who genuinely interested me. I remember it being kinda crazy that I actually found multiple people who intrigued me at the same time. But for some reason, they all dropped off my radar. I had that quintessential experience of “just losing interest” with all of them. I don’t know why it happened, honestly. Part of me feels a little bad about it. But when they tried to reach out to me, I didn’t want to fake interest that I no longer had, you know? I just stopped responding after a while.
So that got me wondering if I might be on some sort of extreme sapiosexual pursuit right now. Not that the guys I had been speaking with weren’t intelligent. They had to have a certain level of intelligence for me to be as interested as I was. But I don’t think I found that particular intellectual spark that I need to stay interested in someone for a long period of time.
Let me explain.
I have this one friend. He’s the optimal play partner, in my mind. Exactly what I’m looking for. We have great, engaging conversations when we’re together. He’s in my town so I could potentially reach him at any time, barring personal schedules and whatnot. We can go weeks without speaking but when we get back in touch it feels like we genuinely want to see how the other is doing, rather than just reaching out to see if the other is available. I find him attractive enough to enjoy sleeping with him, but not attractive enough to swoon over him. I have absolutely no romantic interest in him at all. And finally, the sex is great.
I realized that my interest in him is incredibly cerebral. Very little of it has to do with the physical aspect of sex. That’s just a nice bonus.
That’s how I want to do this whole casual sex thing. I want find people who mentally engage me, who also happen to be fun to sleep with. And so far that’s been really difficult to find. I’m absolutely up for the challenge of finding these proverbial needles in haystacks, but I’ll admit that I get a little discouraged when so much of the hay disheartens me as it does. I suppose I’ve reached the point of just letting the hay float about. Maybe I’ll catch the glimpse of some shiny metal if I happen to be in the right place at the right time. Or maybe it’ll just poke me in the ass when I’m not looking.