Since I’ve been doing rope work, I’ve noticed that people who comment on my photos tend to fall into two categories. There are people who seem to understand what’s going on in the picture: they comment on the rigging technique, my form, the difficulty of the tie, the quality of the photography itself. Then there are people who look at my rope pictures and the first thing they say is,
“So, do you have sex like that?”
I think these people have yet to discover that something kinky like rope bondage can exist independently of sexual intercourse. My theory is that so many are introduced to kink as a method of “spicing things up in the bedroom” that they assume everything done in kink-land is just a fancy precursor to good ol’ fucking.
I don’t blame them, necessarily. I think there’s usually a lack of personal experience and/or a lack of knowledge about the kink itself that leads to this assumption. If you’ve never been tied up before you might not realize how intense it can be. And if you don’t know anything about rigging, you might not realize that trying to have sex while tied up or suspended can be incredibly dangerous. I remember showing a friend a photo of a very difficult tie I did, and he of course asked if I had sex in that position. Hell no! It was hard enough just holding the position to get the photos taken. I can’t even imagine someone fucking me in that tie. It was a very severe predicament in which any little movement I made would cause me to choke, so having someone else there jostling me around would have been out of the question.
Just today I had someone ask about my rope photos. He asked if I like bondage (well yeah, obviously) and then immediately asked if I enjoy bondage sex too. I mean, I understand the connection he must have made in his mind. But sometimes I wish people could just appreciate the bondage for what it is and not jump straight to asking how sex is involved.
And I remember turning down meeting a couple a while back because they were insistent that the rope play they wanted to engage in with me had to include sex. It seemed like they understood how bondage could be fun on its own but they gave me this impression that ‘just rope’ could never be enough.
For the record, I do enjoy bondage sex. But I’ve learned that there are situations in which I want to be tied up and fucked and other situations where I just want to be tied up. It depends on who I’m with, where I am, and how I’m feeling that day. I don’t think this is particularly difficult to understand, but it seems like there are people who don’t quite get it.