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I’m the lead.  She’s a supporting character.

It’s the two year anniversary of my blog, The Slutty Sage.

Nowadays I look at that name and I feel like it doesn’t fit.  It speaks of an identity I wanted back then.  One that I don’t want now.

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it, but I’ve contemplated doing escort work for years. It’s always been a weird fantasy of mine.  I never wanted to actually get into it, but the idea has never faded.  I think I got into the casual sex scene as a way to live out that fantasy without the complications of money and legality.  I treated people like clients, and I treated dates like business transactions.  I idealized the kind of woman who could have intimate relationships with all sorts of people, even if those relationships were paid by the hour.  That’s why I made an effort to meet people who weren’t my type.  I wasn’t dating them, I was offering my services.  It didn’t matter if I liked them, as long as we were decent human beings to each other I could spend a few hours with them, and hopefully have some fun in the process.

Operating that way was fulfilling, it really was.  It satisfied a particular persona of mine.  I was acting out a fantasy that was very real and very much a part of me.  If I got to do what “she” wanted to do, then I was happy because she was getting to do her thing.  It didn’t matter that I didn’t completely agree with her desires.  (I’m sure that made a ton of sense.  I’d say it’s similar to being happy for a loved one because they’re doing something that makes them happy, even when that particular thing doesn’t move you at all.)

But eventually it got to a point where I wasn’t feeling happy for her anymore.  I was tired of subjecting my time to people who I didn’t really care for just so she could get her kicks.

She’s the slut.  She’s the one this blog was named after.  She’s still here but, I’ve….demoted her.  I think she tried to overstep her role too much.  I’m the lead.  She’s a supporting character.  Her presence is necessary and important but once she tries to step into my limelight the whole show gets thrown out of whack.

When I look at the name of this blog, it reminds of how she wanted to be the star.  It feels wrong because she’s not running this show, I am.  She gets her spotlight every now and then but it’s pretty clear that this blog is no longer all about her.

However, I suppose I should treat “The Slutty Sage” as an homage to her.  She opened up a lot of doors for me, all for the better.  And I’ll always be grateful for that.

So Happy Anniversary to…us.

Categories: BDSM Dating Online Relationships Sex

Miss Skaro

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