Allow me to share two exchanges that recently graced my inbox.
The first, all him. (Copied verbatim, that’s why it sounds so…painful.)
i love to take control over such beauty angel like you ,, obey little girl ,, and give her self up so easy to me ,,
what is your fantasies? ,, a wild fantasies! ,, or your daily wild passion sex needs you always want
honey boo ,, you forgot to reply my nice sweet message 😛
i know such beauty photos is a trap and this profile might be a catfish ,, but it worth try because this girl in the photos is really hot and worth it
(A week later)
hello mother fucker
And the second, an exchange with a couple. (Rewritten partially from memory because I deleted some of it.)
Couple: Nice pics.
Couple: Want to meet us sometime?
Me: I couldn’t possibly answer that yet.
Me: I know nothing about you. You know nothing about me. You can’t just pick me up off a shelf and take me home for a night.
Couple: You want to meet us for drinks or dinner?
(A day later)
Couple: Hey are you on
Couple: Can you talk
Couple: We’re going to some bar do you want to meet us
(A couple days later)
Couple: Let’s go for coffee or dinner
Me: Not interested sorry
Couple: What you interested in?
Now, you can accuse me of ghosting. I do it all the time. I just stop responding to people after a while; I lose interest in chatting and gain interest in keeping my inbox tidy.
I don’t like that I ghost people. In an ideal world I’d be able to say that I’m not interested and the conversation should wrap itself up. I shouldn’t have to give a reason, but if they ask nicely I should be able to tell them the honest reason and they should be able to take that and move on.
But that doesn’t happen. Too many times I’ve tried to wrap up a conversation and I get faced with “Why? / I think we should meet, we’d really get along. / Why isn’t this working for you? / You should really give me a chance.”
And that gets annoying. So instead I don’t respond at all.
Take Mr. Mother Fucker up there. An obnoxious message like his first doesn’t elicit a response. It’s not “nice” and “sweet” like he thinks, it’s demeaning and shows a classic misunderstanding of D/s dynamics (or any dynamic, really). Sometimes I want to respond to these people. Sometimes I want to tell them that their method isn’t working for me and that it probably won’t work for a lot of people.
But no one has ever been like, “Oh. I see your point. Man, that made me sound like a real asshole. I will work on changing my ways.”
He blocked me after that last message, by the way. He couldn’t take my lack of response as a lack of interest. He couldn’t just move on. And he resorted to name-calling, which is totally a sign of maturity and a clue that I should apologize and give him a chance.
(Oh, since it’s a current topic: No I’m not a catfish. But yes I am really hot and worth it.)
And this couple. I think they mean well, I really do, but I’m questioning their judgement big time. The meet and greet is an important milestone. I get that. And I get that some people like to get to that milestone quickly. That’s fair. But asking to meet that early is pushing it. And then I say I can’t answer and they ask me why? Really? Is that an honest question? Can you not take a second to think from my perspective and understand why I’m not jumping out of my seat to meet some couple that have done little more to engage me than make me acknowledge their existence?
That alone was enough for me to decide that I wasn’t interested. So I stopped responding. But they kept asking, so I decided to be clear and indicate that I didn’t want to continue.
Not interested sorry.
What you interested in?
No, I’m not saying that I’m not interested in coffee or dinner, I’m saying that I’m not interested in you.
In both of these cases, I have trouble understanding why they kept messaging. If I’m not responding then why are you still trying? I get the motivation behind it: if you want something you’ll keep trying until you get it. But shouldn’t my lack of response make me less attractive? If I’m not even giving you the time of day to respond to a message, do you think I’ll give you adequate attention as a partner?
No response is a response.